Apart from the first two, nobody's *actually* asked me these before, hence...

Infrequently Asked Questions

Me in 1988. Thankfully, I no longer look like this :)
Unlike almost everyone else in the entire World, I have not raised my prices at all for many years, and have no plans to do so. I still charge £30 an hour (which, given my longevity and expertise, is really quite reasonable) although set budgets for things and wiggle-room are acceptable.

I offer three types of work: Good, Fast and Cheap.

You can choose any combination of two of these, but remember...

If it is Good and Cheap, it won't be Fast.

If it is Good and Fast, it will not be Cheap.

If it is Fast and Cheap, it will not be Good.

Every project is different. Every client is different. If you have a job that needs doing, let's discuss it. If I'm the right guy for the job, I'll be glad to help. If, for whatever reason, I'm not the right guy I'll say so. I want you to end up with the best results possible and, from a purely selfish persepective, I don't want to put my name to anything sub-standard!

As Clint Eastwood said in Magnum Force: " A man's gotta know his limitations" 🙂
...I've done a load of work in Wordpress. At Bark Like A Big Dog I was the Wordpress go-to guy (and if I couldn't do it, it was farmed out to an external Wordpress specialist) I'm competent and comfortable with Wordpress Bakery, Divi and Elementor, and have a self-taught knowledge of basic CSS but am, by no means, an expert in it! As for PHP and the like: it's all Klingon to me. Sorry!

From theme installations, theme set-ups and customisation through to the eventual adding of content and page creation, Wordpress is a fairly familiar environment to me.

Although my only formal qualifications in English are 40-year old O-Levels in English Language and English Literature (At grades A and B respectively) I've always been the company proof-reader/grammar checker since my days at Shift-F7 in the mid-90s.
For the past 27 years I've been the guitarist in a ridiculous band called Pants. What started out as a "one-off" get together for a charity concert in 1996 is still (remarkably and unbelievably) bringing the crowds in even now. I'm loathe to post a link to our Facebook page as it's a bit sweary and rude in places, but here's a clip of us playing Devil Woman. I'm the one in purple with the stupid pink guitar 🙂

What else? The usual suspects: reading, walking the dog, a varied music collection, vegan cooking, the Devon coast around Torcross, red wine...
  • The Stranglers
  • Killing Joke
  • Einstürzende Neubauten
  • The Tea Party
  • The Warning
  • Jake Thackray
  • Depeche Mode
  • Al Bowlly and the Ray Noble Orchestra
  • Siouxsie and the Banshees
  • Bob Vylan
  • New Model Army
  • Chopin
  • Nick Drake
  • Half Man Half Biscuit
  • The Jam
To name but a few off the top of my head 🙂

My politics: Green with a distinct red streak in the middle

Beetroot leaf politics: Green...with a distinct red streak running through the middle 🙂
At Shift-F7, Gopher Systems and Wowi Digital I was the company First Aider, and Health and Safety Officer. All of my certificates in those areas have expired, but I'd be more than happy to take the relevant courses again.

As part of being a registered child-minding assistant I do have an up-to-date Paediatric First Aid Certificate, although in an adult-only setting (I'm presuming you don't employ children) this won't be valid.

Apart from mentioning my 40-year old O-Levels in English Language and English Literature (at grades A and B respectively) I've not included any reference to any other academic qualifications I may have. After so many years, both the subjects and the grades are irrelevant. What counts are my 27 years as a graphic designer. Judge me on those, not a 1982 Grade C O-Level in German 🙂